Music to Soothe your Soul

Tenth Avenue North
By Brielle Coronet

I don’t always read every part of a cd’s insert. You know, the places where the band gives all the obligatory thank you’s to friends, family, producers etc. I generally stick to the heart of the music; the lyrics. For me, seeing those words in black and white brings a new understanding and appreciation most of the time.

But, for some reason I decided to read what Tenth Avenue North had to say. I was curious about this band hailing from West Palm Beach, Florida because their music brought me great comfort during a time of need.

A few weeks ago I was all alone in a busy hospital emergency room thinking I was having a heart attack (and so did everyone else for that matter). All I had with me was my i-pod jam packed full of Christian music. Shaking from fear and with my heart racing like I had just performed in an Olympic track and field event, these words from the song, Hold My Heart brought me quiet comfort:

“One tear in the driving rain
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If you’re everything you say you are
Would you come close and
Hold my heart?”

I listened to those words over and over again, praying for my Lord’s healing touch. After maybe the umpteenth replay, I realized with a start that for the first time since my conversion nearly four years ago, my professed faith was being tested. This was my moment of truth. With the rubber hitting that proverbial road, was I really ready?

I was.

And, so with my eyes closed, acutely aware of my body doing its own thing, I relinquished earthly control and submitted to Jesus. I was in His hands and whatever His will, so be it.
Soon, I felt a warm presence by my hospital bed. Was it our Lord or an angel? I can’t say. All I know is I felt no fear, just peace. At this time, I was listening to another song. I believed the promise of Tenth Avenue’s #1 2009 hit, By Your Side. This song was still at the top of the charts this past February.

“I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you,
My hands are holding you…
And, I want you to know
That I,
I’ll love you
I’ll never let you go”

You don’t have to be experiencing crisis to enjoy the music of Tenth Avenue North but should you ever need music to soothe your wounded heart or soul, they are the right band for the job.

If you like Jars of Clay, Mercy Me, The Afters, Snow Patrol or Rush of Fools, then Tenth Avenue North’s cd, “Over and Underneath” will become a favorite in your collection. Enjoy!

Maelstrom

Maelstrom: in the Scandinavian language is a very powerful whirlpool; a large, swirling body of water....

Matters of the Heart

For many years I ran out of my house to go save people. It didn't matter what the weather was like. It didn't matter if was day, night, weekend, a holiday or my birthday. I was a volunteer emergency medical technician and my job was to respond to a stranger's call for help.

So, when on February 27 I started to feel slightly dizzy, with a racing pulse, short of breath and began sweating, my first thought was denial. Despite all my training, which included CPR and AED certification (automated external defibrillator), despite working in a hospital, despite all my knowledge, I made all the wrong decisions. And, I realize I am very lucky to be writing this blog as a result.

Monday morning quarterbacking is lots easier than to be in the midst of crisis for sure, however I knew better. I knew better and I still made wrong choices. I thought I was invincible; that my head could control my body. But, with that misplaced arrogance I endangered not only my life but those of others as well.

Last Friday I was at lunch with a group of friends, although a few left for a meeting. One of our group, a cardiac nurse was not there that day and now I can't help but wonder if the chain of events might have have been altered if she had been. I had been feeling under the weather with a flu like illness the past week or so and still exhausted and not well despite being on antibiotics. So, like a good little soldier, I kept going into work thinking I could beat it by "being strong." I was "too busy" to be sick anyway. I had things to do and miles to go before I could go to sleep.

Mistake #1

But, while listening to my friends chatter over lunch I began to feel strange; shakey, light headed, slightly sweaty, hard to catch my breath and my pulse felt like it shot through the roof. Instead of saying anything, I got up and said I had to get back to the office. My only thought was to get out of there, a weird sort of flight or fight psychological response. I remember thinking the hallway to my office seemed oddly long and it felt like it took forever to get there. As soon as my assistant saw me, she asked if I was all right and that I looked awful. I said I felt awful and announced I was going to go home to lay down and promised to call the doctor. So I grabbed my coat and left, walking right past the Emergency Room! Now, going home is not as easy as hopping into my car. Because we aren't allowed to park on premises, I have to catch a shuttle bus to go across the city in order to get to our employee parking lot. Imagine doing this feeling this awful. But, I managed to do it.

Mistake #2

Feeling faint I still made the decision to drive home. Like a heat seeking missile, I was totally focused on that task. What you don't know is that this commute takes a minimum of an hour on congested highways and a fast paced toll road. Of course I hit every red light trying to get to the toll road. All I kept thinking was why were there so many people driving at 3pm in the afternoon? Why weren't they at work or home--any place but on the road, holding up my journey home. All I could think about was home. For some reason I felt that if I could get there, I could think clearly and maybe miraculously feel better. How stupid this decision was! I could have passed out while driving and killed or harmed not only myself but others.

Mistake #3

I arrived home and collapsed on the couch. Sweaty, my pulse racing, my chest started to feel heavy. I was not feeling better, I was worse. Still, my mind would not let me even consider the possibility of a heart attack. No, not me. It had to be pneumonia or even a pulmonary embolism--anything but a heart attack! I took my pulse. It was 120! Still, I didn't think of calling 911 or taking an aspirin. I did everything you were not supposed to do and I'm an E.M.T. Instead, I called my doctor, described my symptoms and said I needed to be seen. They said come in immediately. Unfortunately, the doctor's office is 30 minutes away. I called my daughter to talk to me all the way there because I started to get scared. Why didn't I call 911 then? I don't know. I kept thinking that if only I could get to the doctor's office, everything would be ok. They would tell me that it was an anxiety attack or something, anything else but a cardiac situation. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Mistake #4

I was given an EKG at the doctor's office. My blood pressure was sky high (194/98), pulse still 120 range, sweaty, pale, short of breath and chest heavy with slight pain in my upper back every once in awhile. Doctor decided I had to go to the ER. I was not given an aspirin yet and he decided I could drive myself another 5 miles to the hospital. Instead of saying no, I'm really feeling bad, I say ok. Because in my mind, if the doctor thinks I can drive myself, then I can't be that bad. I should have asked for an ambulance. Driving to the hospital I realized I was taking a big chance. I felt very faint and only wanted to get there as soon as possible. But it was now 4pm and traffic was very heavy. I hit every red light again.

In the ER they gave me baby aspirins. I was hooked up to heart monitors and blood was taken. A few hours later I was admitted to the cardiac observation floor. By now I had an IV pole too. Long story short, I was one lucky lady. The cardiac enzymes came back ok. I didn't have pneumonia. According to the cardiologist I was exhausted and dehydrated from that flu like illness. What a relief!

Looking back now I realize how stupid my decisions were at every step. While I am calm and decisive in a crisis for others, for myself that paradigm is obviously flawed. I think of myself as independent and invincible. I am neither. I was blessed with an angel watching over me. That is my only explaination how I managed to drive a total of 90 minutes and 47 miles with those symptoms. Even the cardiologist said it was a miracle I didn't pass out.

The symptoms of a heart attack in women are not always the classic chest clutching pains men get. You might not have pain in your left arm or in your jaw. It might start as exhaustion, indigestion, a pain in your back or your stomach, you may break into a sweat, feel short of breath. If you feel this way, call 911. Have aspirin in your purse or house at all times if you or your family has a history of heart disease. If 911 tells you to take the aspirin, chew it do not swollow it. Do not wait, do not second guess yourself thinking it will go away. "Time is muscle" as they say in medicine.

And, lastly, don't do as I did! Don't take a chance with your life! Listen to your heart and live.

Cleaning Out Your Spiritual Closet

If you were hanging off the edge of a cliff, tired and scared, how long would you hold on? Would you hang on long after your body felt like giving out?

This was the scenario my martial arts instructor would describe for us as we held our legs high up in the air, toes pointed and poised for attack; our muscles aching and on fire, sweat pouring from every pore. He would keep us in that position until our legs turned to jelly. It was his way of instilling in us the concept of “non-quitting spirit.” I trained that way for over ten years until an injury three years ago benched me forever.

Sensei’s message of never giving up or letting go influenced my mental makeup. I was and always have been a driven type A personality but this mantra took me over the top. I became quite successful as a result. Consequently, I acquired lots of stuff in my life -- physically, mentally and emotionally. As the years passed, I held on to it all with dear life. But, I never took the time to evaluate what I was keeping or why.

I know someone who has held on to a house long after becoming a financial burden due to a ballooning mortgage. It was way too much house for her to begin with, but she had been seduced by the initial low payments. Unfortunately, you don’t get something for nothing and soon the payments began to escalate. Instead of cutting her losses, she held on by the skin of her teeth by working three jobs and renting out portions of her living space. After two years of this, she’s finally realized the cost of keeping the house outweighed any loss. It was time to let go.

Do you know how they capture monkeys? I read that trappers take a pot with a narrow opening and bury the pot until the opening is just above ground level. The hunters put pieces of food in it to attract the monkeys. When the monkeys reach inside the pot, their fist full of food cannot be pulled back out of the opening. The monkey begins to scream with frustration as he desperately tries to pull his hand out. Even when the hunter throws a net over the pot, the monkey won’t open his hand to drop his prized treat. The monkey chooses capture over freedom when all he had to do was let go!

In the children’s story, The Berenstain Bears and The Trouble at School, Brother Bear tries to cross a shallow creek but his bike keeps getting stuck deeper and deeper in the mud. Instead of admitting this path wasn’t a good choice, he presses forward until he is so stuck he can’t move. All Brother Bear had to do was let go of the bike but he stubbornly held on to it, just like the monkeys.

We all know people who have held on to hurts, grievances, dead-end relationships or jobs long past their time. It might even be you. I know I have. Instead of letting them go, we held on to them as tightly and passionately as Gollum clung to his “Precious” ring in Lord of the Rings. If you are familiar with the book or movie, Gollum’s ring was anything but precious and was nearly the ruin of them all. How much easier it would have been had he relinquished the ring but like the monkeys, my friend with the house, Brother Bear and his bike, Gollum held on to it and wouldn’t let go, even when holding on caused pain and suffering.

At what price do we hold on to things that we should let go of? The Casting Crown’s song, “Let It Fade” asks the same question and gently reminds us that “things” are just temporary.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone…
Let it fade

We can hold on to material possessions that eventually break, rust or go out of style. We can hold on to hurts and bitter roots, too but none of that will allow our lights to shine. When we hold on to those things, we imprison ourselves and dim our spirit. It takes courage to clean our spiritual closets but what if you did? What would fill that empty space? Emptiness can be scary because you can feel vulnerable and exposed. Letting go to “let God” is not an easy thing to practice. Life is tough. It is a lot easier to hide behind a force field of “stuff” so we don’t get hurt, have to feel or grow. Or, we can replace that stuff filling up our lives, hearts and minds with other things; things that may not have worldly value per se but in the spiritual realm are deemed priceless. Like what? A song by Jeff Deyo gives us these suggestions:

More love, more power
More of You in my life…
More faith, more passion
More of You in my life…

How about filling your life with more of that? What would your life be like then? Of course, embracing a sense of “nonquitting spirit” isn’t entirely bad. We shouldn’t give up easily when the Holy Spirit urges us to continue with a mission placed on our heart. We shouldn’t give up on family and friends who are not walking their walk or who haven’t begun their walk yet. But, we need to learn what to hold on to and what to let go of. However, the one thing we should never let go of like we were hanging over the edge of that proverbial cliff is our faith and trust in Jesus Christ. Without that, nothing else really matters. The bible promises that if you “…cast your cares on the Lord, he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” (Psalm 55:22 NIV)

We all hold on to things way past their prime, even when we know it’s better to let it go. So, how about making time to spring clean your spiritual house? Stop and take a moment to examine what’s taking up space in your hearts, minds and souls. Why not start today? Even if you only let go of one thing, it’s the journey that counts. Let me know if you do. I’d love to know what happens when you let go to let God refill you.

I’ll leave you with this thought. When God leads you to the edge of that cliff, trust in him fully and then, let go. Only one of two things will happen—either he will catch you when you fall or he’ll teach you how to fly!

Birthday Girl!

What better way to celebrate a birthday than to go to an amusement park with my honey? Here we are riding the flume and having a blast. At least we don't get wet in SL!

Another year to look forward to---and that's something to be grateful for :)

Unplugged!

I was suddenly and involuntarily unplugged from all my vices last night. I had no phone, no tv, no internet. Hmmm you know those very attractive discounted "packages" that the cable company offers? Well, caveat emptor should be written in red across them. One glitch and wham! you are cut off! Now, we all have lost our internet connection at some point. Sometimes we've had cable tv outtages and now that I've made the switch to cable phone, now I have to add phone issues to that list. But, problems with all three? At once? No, that's a first.

Ok, I took a deep breath. I live in a black hole with limited cell phone service. No towers or something I've been told, but "they're being built." Uh-huh been waiting for 4 years and not a new tower in sight. So anyway, I have a few hot spots around my house where the cell will work--like a foot above my head in the middle of the living room, near the rear window ledge and across the street. Oh yea,practical, especially when its near freezing temperatures outside. But, I had no choice.

Operator number 1 could care less about my predicament. Her attitude said it all. The best that could be done was sending a repair tech 3 days from now. When I made a fuss she said she'd "call me back" after she looking into what could be done. An hour passed, no call back. Well, I'm sort of the impatient type so I decided to take matters into my own hands and called back. I got Operator number 2. She seemed a bit more interested but assured me that nothing was wrong on my account (well I knew that already!) so I'd just have to wait. When I protested a bit more vocally that surely they could do a systems check on their end, she transferred me. Operator number 3 at least volunteered to do a systems check. Now remember I'm on my cell and the minutes are ticking away on my basic calling plan. I was put on hold while they "checked" for nearly 30 minutes listening to horrid drive-in style music. Even as the minutes ticked away I was hopeful.

Then, the lights flickered on my modem! All green at last! But, as fast as they turned green, they shut off again. It's my modem the technician declared. However, he then told me that the technician would be out "tomorrow morning between 8am-11am." After being first told it would take 3 days, this news sounded good to me! Now, what to do with all the time in between? It was only 7pm, cold and dark outside...

I discovered my laptop had games. I played chess, solitaire, mahjong and hearts. I really wanted bejeweled lol The computer beat me at all the games over and over again. So, I decided to watch a DVD on my laptop. It was great! I loved hearing the movie through my headset. It was all in my head! One movie later I was quickly growing bored. After a few more games of chess I was frustrated AND bored. Sleep sounded like a good way to pass the time...

The next morning everything was still off. My fantasy that things would miraculously "right" itself by magic were not fulfilled. So, I waited for the technician to arrive...and waited...and waited. Hmmm 3 hours later I called the cable company again. I was told I did not have an 8-11am window, I had an all day window until 5pm! No way. Now, I threw a hissy fit. Ok, not a real hissy fit but a stern "I-am-not-a-satisfied-customer" rant. I even threw in mention of Verizon's Fios cable alternative for added effect. That didn't work either.

It was time for the big guns. I demanded to speak to a supervisor, who of course was busy and would call me back. Uh-huh mister, I've been promised that before! Well, long story short the supervisor did call me back and he took names and promised to make heads roll. Now we were talking! He gave me just enough empathy and validation to make me say "viva cable!" Well, almost lol Supervisor Man promised that the technician was amazingly in my neighborhood. Oh really? wow! And no one knew that before? Even more amazingly, he'd would be knocking on my door very soon...

And about 5 minutes later he was! He said he'd be back in 2 secs. He disappeared outside and then returned. All fixed, he declared. Oh? but you haven't seen my modem, I frowned skeptically. No need he said, your service had been turned off, just like a few other neighbors.

Ooops. Someone had flicked a switch and turned off our accounts. No apology, of course. I'm supposed to just be grateful I'm plugged back into the world again....

Now, where was that Fios advertisement?

Happy 2nd Rez Day to Me!

November 16, 2007 was the night I first signed on to Second Life, not knowing what to expect or not to expect. Good thing because I landed in a volcano hub! I had no instructions, had no idea what to do or not to do so I sat...and sat...and sat. Still, something fascinated me enough to draw me back the next day and the next and the next...but still I was in that dreadful volcano. I noticed people appearing and disappearing but I had no idea where they were going or how.

I wonder why I kept coming back. It probably has something to do with making things a quest not if mastered quick enough. The "failure is not an option" mantra comes to mind lol

How I eventually got out of that volcano hub is another story. But suffice it to say I did and went off to discover a whole new world. Alice, finally found her way past the rabbit hole!

I'm glad I did keep coming back though. 2 years and many adventures later, many houses later (dare I even count? could I even count them?) a long history of friends (some still friends, some not, some left, some drifted, some parted ways), work from RL now in SL and of course finding my wonderful partner, I find SL is very much like RL. Nothing is constant in RL...nothing is constant nor predictable in SL. It's really all a parallel world no matter how you slice it; not perfect, sometimes bumpy but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I look forward to another great year! viva SL!

I'm baaack!

So many weddings, so little time! In the mad, whirlwind world of Second Life love is definitely in the air! Just like in the real world, weddings in SL are as unique as the people saying their vows.





In the past few months I've been in 2 weddings as maid of honor. One was held in a castle high in the sky, the other on the edge of a cliff in an elegant, traditional setting to rival any in the physical world. I've attended lavish weddings and simple ones on the beach with only a few guests. One wedding was abruptly cancelled on it's eve with only the cryptic explaination of "technical difficulties." It was not rescheduled and I noticed that the pair were no longer partnered shortly thereafter. Yes, even in a virtual world couples get cold feet.





But, by far the most fun wedding was our own! Bo proposed on one knee on the balcony of our island home on September 24, 2008. I had expected it at some point but despite knowing that it would eventually happen, I was nevertheless very emotional when the moment actually came to pass. In fact, I was so excited I said yes before he even asked! Fortunately one of us had the presence of mind to focus. "Let me ask you first, darling," he reminded me patiently. Well, oookay....geesh, details, details lol





What followed in the following days was a fun, albeit sometimes frustrating hunt for a church. We had both decided that we wanted a traditional wedding with all our friends witnessing our union, complete with an officiate to marry us with vows, a blessing and a full works reception. In other words, the whole enchilada.


If anyone has planned a wedding in real life, it's about the same. Couples still have to discuss and agree and make decisions. What type of church, what type of ceremony, traditional or personalized, Christian or civil, chapel, church or cathedral, music, flowers, color theme, bridal party, tuxes, dresses, bouquets and boutonnieres (or button holes as they are called in Europe). And, that's only for the church. There's also the reception, DJ and music selections, first dance song, to throw the bouquet and garter or not, cutting the virtual cake (yes) and the best man's toast. Needless to say, there was very little time to go dancing (although we did manage to plan "nonwedding" days to keep ourselves from getting frazzled).

Everything actually fell into place fairly easily for us at first. It only took a few days to find "the perfect church" which also happened to have "the perfect reception" area. Plus, they also happened to have the date we wanted open! The very last time slot! We grabbed it. With that booked and done, we could breath a collective sigh of relief and enjoy the next few weeks of engagement plotting out the other wedding details.

Ha, as they say the best laid plans...As it happened, Bo and I were Best Man and Maid of Honor for a couple's upcoming wedding. Because the European way is to not fuss over your own impending wedding until a friend's wedding is over, we didn't mention the date nor our plans to our friends. That is, until the night of their bachelor/bachelorette party when, I could hold it in no longer and blurted out that our wedding invitation would be arriving shortly and to make sure it was opened outside because it was quite large (a major understatement). When I said the date it quickly became known there was a "problem." Uh-oh our intended Best Man was going to be out of town! Big uh-oh. So we had to quickly decide if we wanted to change the date --that is, if the reception place had an opening for the night before. The good news is that they did--the last spot again but it could be ours. The bad news was that because it was now a Friday night instead of Saturday, many of our friends would not be able to attend because of time zone issues, including a long time friend who had offered to DJ our reception.

We weathered all the challenges with a humor, patience and lots of love. Little did we know that one of the biggest challenges was still ahead of us--the quest for the perfect wedding ring set! In SL hours are like days so to say we spent days and days looking for wedding bands is no exaggeration. I think we visited every jeweler in SL and saw every possible ring set. Then, we finally decided...or so we thought. I exercised my female prerogative to change my mind and so the hunt began again. I'm glad we did. I love my wedding ring set and wear it proudly. It was worth every minute of the hunt.

My wedding dress had to be perfection. No, it had to be beyond perfection. I found the perfect gown very early in the search but of course I kept on looking...and looking...and looking. I think I tried on every gown demo in SL but I kept coming back to "that" one. I thought about it and realized it just needed a few extra customized touches and it would be my perfect dress. So, I contacted the creator at Adiva Bridal and asked could she do this and that? And, amazingly she said yes. Now, if you knew how rigid and/or finicky most SL designers are, this was no small feat. I asked her to add long, fingerless opera gloves. Done. Then I asked her to add a ring of crystal flowers around the waistband to match the headpiece. Done. I had my perfect creation!

In the end, on October 24, 2008 Bo and I exchanged vows in front of over 25 friends at the church at Fanatasia Island. Our attendants were Simon, Charlie, Cirrus, Apache, Anna and Gen. Our first dance song was supposed to be "The Power of Love" by Celine Dion but the DJ goofed up and played "Falling Into You" instead. It's a beautiful song but we've decided at our 1 year anniversary to have a recommitment ceremony and have "The Power of Love" officially played as our song. Wouldn't that be lovely? Maybe Celine Dion will be in SL by then :)

So, that's what I've been up to. I've lots more to report, more fun times, more events and lots more memories. Stay tuned as my SL journey continues!





<--Puglet (USA) & Jim (Australia)'s wedding Oct 2008

<-- Our wedding Oct 24, 2008

<---first dance

Two Hearts

September 24, 2008

September 11, 2008 in Second Life

We will never forget!